Friday, November 04, 2005

My lead foot

Or, when is a year not a year?

A year is not a year when you get a speeding ticket and opt for deferred disposition. You are then given a deferment of 90 days, in which time if you don't get another ticket and you pay your fine, the ticket will not go on your permanent record.

Made a left out of Starbucks (good grief all I need is a cellphone in my hand), kids in the back and Main Street is wide open in front of me. It's going to be a good day. Whoops! I appear to be over 50. Let me gently slow down...aaaaaaaaaand there's the cop. Oh and his partner has a radar gun. Great.

Should I just pull over here on Main Street? Traffic's getting thicker. I'll turn right on this side street and pull over where it's safer for both of us. (Stay calm. Channel Mom, channel Mom, channel Mom.) Hands on the wheel until he gets to the window. Hello, Officer. What? 55 in a 40? Oh, dear. Was it okay for me to stop here? I can stop as soon as I see your lights. I see. Okay, thank you. Questions? No, not really. You don't have to thank me for being courteous--you're just doing your job. Yes, you have a good day too.

Well, that really took the caffeine out of my latte, if you know what I mean. Have to explain this to my husband; hope he'll be understanding. He is! Hurray! Maybe I can get it deferred like the last one. Yes, it has been over a year since my last ticket.

Oh, no it hasn't says our trusty civil servant at the courthouse. She pulls out my file. (Egads--they have a file on me!) Well, I'm not sure if I want to pay it or sign up for defensive driving. I'll have to come back.

Dear, when did I get that ticket? I don't remember either. Spring '04 or 'o5? I remember I gave it to you as a Father's Day gift. Yes, if she says it hasn't been a year then I suppose she's right. I'll sign up for defensive driving.

I'd like to sign up for defensive driving, please. While you have my file out, could you by chance tell me when my last ticket was? June 20, 2004? Oh! Well then hasn't it been a year since my last ticket? Am I not eligible for deferred disposition? No? Oh, I see--the deferral is 90 days, but then your office has thirty more days to process the paperwork. All right then, how much do I owe you? Ninety-nine dollars, fine.

Buckle yourself in dear, we have one more errand--you know, I still don't get how I'm not eligible for deferral. Get out of the car, honey. I have to ask the lady something. And don't tease your brother.

Excuse me--I'm sorry to bother you, and I certainly want to adhere to the law, but since I got my ticket on October 24, isn't that four days past the 120 day deferral? It has nothing to do with the law--it's what the judge decides? What did the judge decide? Yes, I'll wait. Oh, I see. The judge decided that my deferrment ended on Nov. 1. Yes, thank you. That clears it up quite nicely.

Huh. Well, spending a day in defensive driving won't be too bad. It'll be nice to have a break from the kids.

Gee, that sounded pathetic!

Update: These 592 words were brought to your purely for the purpose of using that headline. I apologize if the body of the work does not stand up.

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