Thursday, March 09, 2006

Complaint department

Dear Gap Outlet,

Thank you for putting your spaghetti strap t-shirts with built-in bra on sale again (and in newer brighter colors as well!). I was delighted to find that you have made them slightly longer, thereby making them more usable for those of us whose tummies are no longer viewable to the greater public due to childbirth.

Unfortunately, middle age has caught up with me and the length of your t-shirts are hugging the sides of my newly formed (or is it just newly migrated) fat deposits, what is generally called a mid-life middrift or tire.

I therefore would like to return all of them, though they are slightly used, but as a bonus to Gap, I'll also send what's left of my self-esteem and delusions of regaining or keeping any of my youthful, lithe figure.

That should make us even.

Sincerely,

Disappointed at 39

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